Once upon a time, there was a Ukrainian girl named Lidia. She would often tell her friends things like, "Someday you will knock on my door and I won't answer. When that happens, it means I've gone off to find happiness and will never return." Her friends had mixed feelings about that. On one hand, they wanted her to be happy. But on the other hand, they sort of liked how at the end of the day she would always be home since it meant they could use her Playstation 4. But anyway, this story is getting off topic.
According to Lidia's philosophy, the best parties are the ones that you can't remember the next day. If this is true, April 24th 2016 was the best day ever. It all started when Lidia went to a nightclub with some friends in the evening. She had a few drinks - okay, more than just a few - and she danced as if she were a contestant on a TV show. But she wasn't. She was at Club Metro and instead of an audience, there was just a bunch of weird drunk people. After a while, things got a bit hazy.
When Lidia woke up the next morning, she found herself laying on top of a floating sheet of ice in the middle of what she assumed must have been the Antarctic Ocean. She had no idea how she ended up there, and yet at the same time she wasn't entirely surprised. Lidia and the sheet of ice managed to reach land, and she spent the rest of the afternoon exploring. Once she found a suitable spot to settle, she built a little igloo for herself. She also managed to make an iPad out of ice, but then realized it would be useless since there wasn't a WiFi connection anywhere.
One day while staring at the mountains of snow (which was the only interesting activity in Antarctica) Lidia had a strange feeling like she was being watched...and then realized she was! Three penguins were hiding behind a large block of ice, but one of them blew their cover by sneezing. They waddled away the way penguins do and returned to their home to inform the other penguins about what they saw. They argued over what to do. Some of the penguins thought Lidia looked nice enough and thought they should invite her to their colony. Others were not so sure. So they decided to give Lidia a test known as the Fish of Friendship.
The three penguins returned to Lidia's igloo with a large, raw fish. As they sat in a circle, one of the penguins took a bite and then passed the fish off to Lidia. She was reluctant, but she knew she had to make a good impression. So she took a large bite and swallowed. The penguins let out a cheer and ushered her off to their colony.
Months passed and Lidia had fully immersed herself in penguin culture. She learned to walk, talk and swim like a penguin. She was also invited to sing at the Penguin Prince's wedding. But one day a helicopter was seen overhead. It was a rescue mission! A Special Operations Force exited the helicopter, tied Lidia up and off they flew. For good measure they launched a missile at her igloo and blew it up.
Lidia had great difficulty adjusting to life back in Khmelnytskyi. Her friends tried to make her feel at home by filling her bathtub with ice and tossing fish at her. But it wasn't the same. She missed the penguin life. One morning her friends knocked on her door, but there was no answer. "Oh my. It's really happened. Lidia is gone. She has found happiness." Her friends cried, feeling happy that she had found her way in life, but feeling sad because she still owed them $40.
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