Natalia the Flower Becomes a Viral Sensation

There was once (and continues to be) a flower named Natalia. She lived a carefree life in a garden in Lviv with her best friend Irusya Kukusya the Butterfly and their friend Timur the Frog. But one day Timur unexpectedly ate Irusya, triggering a series of events that would change Natalia's life forever.

"Why would you do that, Timur? Irusya was my best friend!" Natalia was very sad.

"Yeah, on the surface this might seem to be a strange thing to do. She was even the godmother of my first child. But I was hungry, and I'm a frog. So..." 

"That's a reasonable explanation. But I still feel super sad. There is only one way for me to move on. It is time for me to leave the garden,"declared Natalia. But where would she go? Samoa? Brazi? Uzbekistan? She decided she would spin a globe and where ever her finger landed on, she would move there. So she gave it a spin...and it landed on Zhytomyr. "Well, I certainly can't go there! I will try again." So she did...and her finger chose Sumy. "I guess this is fate," she stated plaintively. 

So Natalia bought a one-way ticket to Sumy. As everybody knows, once you buy a one-way ticket, you can never go back because that's how narrative logic works. About one hour into the journey, Natalia couldn't help but notice that a fellow traveler (a rabbit in this case) kept glancing over at her from across the aisle.

"What is your deal?" Natalia asked. 

"Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude. Are you a pop singer by some chance? Because you totally have the look." The rabbit introduced himself as Andriy and handed Natalia his business card. "I am a manager in the entertainment industry. Do you know how to sing?"

"Well, I used to sing in the garden sometimes with Irusya Kukusya and Timur. But Timur ate Irusya and that was the saddest thing ever."

Andriy shot Natalia an awkward, confused look. "Hmm. Well, anyway I would like to represent you. I'll help you become the biggest K-Pop star ever."

"What is K-Pop?" asked Natalia. 

"It's a genre of pop music that is popular in South Korea."

"But I don't know how to sing in Korean. In fact, I don't have any singing talent at all!"

"Too late. The concert is tomorrow. I've already booked the airplane tickets. Oh, and it looks like we've sold out all the seats at the stadium."

So the next evening Natalia made her concert debut in Seoul. As she came on stage, a crowd of 60,000 cheered wildly. She had one little problem though: she hadn't rehearsed, much less come up with a catalog of songs of sing. So thinking quickly, she chose "Roar" by Katy Perry from the playlist on her phone and tried to sing along with her microphone. The audience booed loudly in disapproval. One even tossed a tomato that just barely missed Natalia's head. Not sure what to do, the flower put down the microphone and did a little dance before walking off stage. 

Backstage, Andriy was in a panic. "What on Earth was that?!?! The sponsors have decided to cancel the rest of the tour. Thanks to you, my career has a manager is ruined!" 

As Natalia took a lonely stroll around the streets of Seoul, an odd thing happened. Upon seeing her, people would begin freaking out and asking for autographs and selfies with her. She looked at a news report through the window of an electronics shop. It was about her dance, which had been captured by camera phone and uploaded onto YouTube. 

"It's already received 5 billion views," explained one of her new fans. "You are the biggest viral star in history!"

All of a sudden, Natalia was getting calls from the Kardashian sisters to go on shopping sprees. Justin Bieber was begging her to marry him. Even President Trump couldn't stop Tweeting about her! Natalia would host wild and crazy parties in Queen Elizabeth's garden. But with this new fame came tremendous consequences. Natalia finally hit rock bottom: she became addicted to apple juice.

Finally, Natalia sent out this tweet: "I can't handle this fame anymore. I'm moving back to my quiet garden in Lviv. Sorry."

When she arrived home, she gave Timur a big hug. "It's nice to see you again, Natalia. I have a big surprise for you!" With that, Irusya Kukusya crawled out! She was alive...even if not entirely well. One of her wings was missing. And her left foot was gone. "Yeah, Timur decided I didn't taste very good. So he spit me out. Kind of sucks that I can't fly anymore. But anyway, what's new? What were you up to while you were gone?"

"Oh, if only you knew," Natalia said while giving a sneaky wink. 

That should have been the end of the story, but Timur was like, "Oh, we know that you were a YouTube viral superstar. Lviv lives in the 21st century too."

With that, they all began to laugh. And then Timur spit out Kukusya's left foot. 

Daria's Sneaky Idea

One upon a time, Daria and Maryna were sitting on the sofa watching Eurovision. It was an epic singing competition to determine once and forever who was the most talented country: Moldova or Liechtenstein. Daria couldn't help but notice Maryna munching on a plate of pickled tomatoes. "Those pickled tomatoes look super tasty," said Daria. "Think I could have one?"
"Oh, Daria. I really wish I could share. But I'm having some financial difficulties right now. If only there were a way for me to make some extra money. Then I would be able to spare a few of these pickled tomatoes."
"Well, actually, I have an idea. Space tourism. We'll send vacationers to Mars for a week or three. We just need to build a rocket. And a few resorts, I suppose. If I can have 45 minutes of your time, I would like to show you my entire PowerPoint presentation."
"Oh my!" exclaimed Maryna after seeing the entire plan. "Let's get started. We need a website. We need to put out an announcement. We will be so rich that we will be able to burn money in the fireplace to stay warm in the winter."

DO YOU ENJOY TRAVELING? HOW ABOUT RELAXING AT 3-STAR RESORTS? IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO BOTH QUESTIONS, DO WE HAVE A TREAT FOR YOU! WE ARE ORGANIZING A TRIP TO MARS AND WOULD LIKE YOU TO JOIN! ALL MEALS WILL BE PROVIDED BOTH DURING THE ROCKET JOURNEY AND WHEN YOU ARRIVE AT THE RESORT. ONLY $20,000. BUT ACT FAST! THERE IS LIMITED ROOM ON THE ROCKET. ALSO, PLEASE BRING YOUR OWN SPACE SUITS.

A week later, 22 space adventurers showed up in front of the Lviv Opera House to begin the journey. They were all wearing improvised space suits. One had wrapped himself in aluminum foil. Another wore a cardboard box with NASA drawn onto it. A third had a fishbowl on his head. The girls collected their money and handed each of them a ponchik as a snack. That's when things hit a snag. "Maryna," whispered Daria, "we forgot about the rocket ship." Thinking very quickly, Daria attached some paper wings onto a nearby Lada. "There's the, um, rocket. Have a safe journey!" Daria and Maryna ran away, laughing at their clever scheme.

A few weeks later the girls were sitting on a large pile of money while watching Disney's Frozen as Maryna ate a plate of pickled onions. "I wonder what our customers thought about the Mars vacation," Daryna thought.
"Well, there's only one way to find out. Let's take a look at the reviews."
The girls checked out the reviews on their website and were shocked to discover that most of the customers had given them 5-star reviews with a few 4-star reviews as well. One of the tourists had given it 2-stars because she felt the chicken served for dinner was a bit too dry.
"What??? They actually made it to Mars? There were resorts up there? How is this possible?" asked Maryna.
"Okay, I have a confession. I felt guilty about just taking their money. So I quickly sent some construction workers up there to build a resort. I also sent some restaurant and hotel staff."
"Oh, that is the nicest thing anybody has ever done. Here, have a pickled onion."
"Thanks, but actually giving me a pickled onion is the nicest thing anybody has ever done."
The girls laughed and laughed and laughed. All...evening...long.

THE END