Once upon a time, there was a girl named Anna who worked as a manager at a dumpling factory. She was very good at her job. She was industrious. She was very brave. She also had the largest eyes ever because she was an owl. However, the factory workers feared her because if they didn't make 1000 dumplings per shift, she threatened to make spiders come out of their ears. That was her magical power, you see. Anyway, for this reason, nobody had ever made less than 1000 dumplings per shift because, well, the idea of spiders coming out of their ears sounded unpleasant.
One early evening as the workday ended, Anna discovered that one of her workers – Solomiya the Squirrel - had only produced 999 dumplings! Angry at this discovery, Anna's already large eyes grew even bigger!
“Solomiya! I demand an explanation for you missing the daily quota!”
"Are you sure? I am absolutely positive that I made 1,000. I've never made any less than that!"
"Yes, I guarantee there are only 999. In fact, I counted them 12 times to be sure."
“Please...please, forgive me. I really thought I had made 1000 dumplings.” Solomiya was on the verge of tears.
“You know,” said Anna, “I could use my magical powers and make spiders come out of your ears.” “Yes, I know. But you won't, right?”
“That's right. I would never do such a thing.”
Everybody in the factory cheered and agreed that Anna was the nicest manager ever! As a sign of gratitude, Viktor the little elephant handed Anna a bag of fresh dumplings.
“Oh, thank you,” said Anna. She tried a piece and immediately spit it out. “That was absolutely disgusting! Yikes! Do all of the dumplings in our factor taste like this???”
“Well, yeah. It's a terrible recipe. Nobody likes them,” confessed Viktor the penguin.
“Why didn't anybody tell me???” asked Anna.
“Because we were afraid you would make spider come out of our ears,” said Olga the Turtle.
Everybody nodded in shame. There was a moment of tension before Anna finally said, “Oh! Well, I suppose that's a really good reason not to tell me!” Then everybody laughed and laughed and laughed. Then this story came to an end.
Saturday, December 14, 2019
Monday, March 18, 2019
Just Another Typical Story
Having a snake as a pet had always been something that appealed to Volodya. Unfortunately, his wife Yulia never warmed up to the idea. However, some unexpected circumstances would change this equation: the night that Yulia was abducted by aliens and failed to return. Though he felt pretty disappointed about the situation, Volodya understood that it was time to move on. So he went to the pet store and brought home a ball python, known for their relatively long lifespans. He named it Volodya Jr., if you care to know.
It was feeding time for Volodya Jr., so his adopted father went out and bought him a (presumably) delicious live mouse. Not wanting to witness the carnage or the mouse's squeaks of desperation, he tossed the mouse into the snake tank and left the room for a while. When he returned, he was surprised to find a snake skeleton...and a mouse with a large belly and satisfied look on his face.
"What happened to my son?" a confused Volodya asked.
"Well, he was hungry," replied the mouse, "but I was hungrier so I ate him before he could eat me. Simple as that. You've lost a pet snake, but you've gained a mouse. That's not a bad trade off, eh?"
"So...does that mean I need to feed you a diet of snakes every time?"
"Yep."
Volodya is somebody who is quick to accept any situation, so he named the mouse Ivan and welcomed him to the family. They exchanged fist bumps.
When it was time for dinner, Volodya went out and bought the largest, tastiest looking live snake he could find. But when he placed it in the tank for Ivan to eat, the snake had different ideas. He quickly swallowed Ivan and Volodya was back to having a pet snake. Think of it as a reset. He named him Volodya Jr. II as a tribute to the first Volodya Jr.
A few days passed and Volodya Jr. II was feeling hungry again, so Volodya headed to the pet supply store to find a mouse. When he got home he took a deep breath, put the mouse in the tank, and watched the events unfold. What happened next was nothing short of astonishing. Turns out, the mouse and Volodya Jr. II both shared a passion for 1980s rock music, especially Guns 'N Roses. When the mouse wailed out a cover version of "Welcome to the Jungle," the snake realized right then and there that they had become best friends.
Volodya just shook his head and was about to say something zany like, "I should have just bought a pet goldfish" when all of a sudden a blue beam of light appeared and Linda had returned! Frankly, the story that she shared with him about the alien abduction was a million times more interesting than what you've just read.
THE END
It was feeding time for Volodya Jr., so his adopted father went out and bought him a (presumably) delicious live mouse. Not wanting to witness the carnage or the mouse's squeaks of desperation, he tossed the mouse into the snake tank and left the room for a while. When he returned, he was surprised to find a snake skeleton...and a mouse with a large belly and satisfied look on his face.
"What happened to my son?" a confused Volodya asked.
"Well, he was hungry," replied the mouse, "but I was hungrier so I ate him before he could eat me. Simple as that. You've lost a pet snake, but you've gained a mouse. That's not a bad trade off, eh?"
"So...does that mean I need to feed you a diet of snakes every time?"
"Yep."
Volodya is somebody who is quick to accept any situation, so he named the mouse Ivan and welcomed him to the family. They exchanged fist bumps.
When it was time for dinner, Volodya went out and bought the largest, tastiest looking live snake he could find. But when he placed it in the tank for Ivan to eat, the snake had different ideas. He quickly swallowed Ivan and Volodya was back to having a pet snake. Think of it as a reset. He named him Volodya Jr. II as a tribute to the first Volodya Jr.
A few days passed and Volodya Jr. II was feeling hungry again, so Volodya headed to the pet supply store to find a mouse. When he got home he took a deep breath, put the mouse in the tank, and watched the events unfold. What happened next was nothing short of astonishing. Turns out, the mouse and Volodya Jr. II both shared a passion for 1980s rock music, especially Guns 'N Roses. When the mouse wailed out a cover version of "Welcome to the Jungle," the snake realized right then and there that they had become best friends.
Volodya just shook his head and was about to say something zany like, "I should have just bought a pet goldfish" when all of a sudden a blue beam of light appeared and Linda had returned! Frankly, the story that she shared with him about the alien abduction was a million times more interesting than what you've just read.
THE END
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