Tanya the Koala

Once upon a time, there was a girl from Hoshcha named Tanya. On a typical day she would be feeling awesome. But today was anything but a typical day. Tanya was sobbing under a eucalyptus tree when her dear friend Lyubashka approached to see what was the matter.

"What's wrong, Tanyushka? You're usually in such an upbeat mood."

"I received some difficult news today. You know how a caterpillar eventually turns into a butterfly? Well, I had this hope that maybe one day I would turn into a koala. But my biology teacher told me this is possible." Tanya blew her nose with a handkerchief.

"Bah! What does she know? She is totally wrong. In my mind you ARE a koala, Tanya. In fact, you are twice as fluffy and five times as cute as an average koala!"

"I am??? Oh my! This is the best news ever!" With that, Tanya quickly climbed the eucalyptus tree and began its leaves.

"Wait, Tanya!" said Lyuba, "I didn't mean it literally. I just wanted to cheer you up!"

But it was too late. Tanya was already peacefully sleeping in the tree, just like a proper koala would.

Bunny Natalia saves the day again

One afternoon Bunny Natalia and Bunny Vika were watching an interesting TV show about turtles when Natalia said, “Bunny Vika, how does the Bunny Parliament operate? How are laws made?” Bunny Vika answered, “I don’t know.” And then she stuck a carrot in Natalia’s mouth and turned her head back to the TV.

As Bunny Natalia thought about it more, she began to realize that she had just asked the most interesting question ever, which means she needed to find the answer. “Bunny Vika, do you want to visit the Bunny Parliament this afternoon to solve this mystery?” Bunny Vika answered, “Yeah, great. Visit. Afternoon. Mystery.” And then she shoved a piece of cabbage in Natalia’s mouth and continued to watch the program. Bunny Natalia just shrugged and walked out of the house to make her way to the Bunny Parliament building.

When she reached the entrance of the building, the security guard, Sasha the Dog, asked her what she was up to. She answered, “I want to see how the Bunny Parliament gets their work done.”

Sasha scratched his chin and said, “Hmm. That sounds like the most interesting idea ever. Can I join you?”

 Bunny Natalia gave him a puzzled look and answered, “But aren’t you working right now?”  

Sasha the Dog replied, “I think it is obvious that I am not.”

So Natalia and Sasha entered the parliament and watched the Bunny MPs debate.

“Parliament Resolution 1693 declares that bunnies are the best ever,” announced the Speaker, Bunny Volodya. “All in favor say, ‘Aye.’” In unison, all of the MPs answered with an enthusiastic, “Aye!!!” Well, everyone but Katya the Hamster. Nobody is quiet sure how she got voted into the Bunny Parliament. Shit happens, I guess.

“Then it is settled!” Speaker Volodya said to loud cheers. “Next. Parliament Resolution 5387 declares that cabbage is the most delicious vegetable ever. All in favor shout out, ‘Aye’ in the most obnoxiously loud voice ever.” About half of the parliament yelled out, “Aye!!!!!” while the other half remained silent. The Speaker was in a state of complete shock. This was the first time in history that the Parliament did not have a universal consensus about resolutions. Well, with the exception of Katya the Hamster, who only voted with with her fellow MPs that one time when they agreed that octopuses having eight legs was impractical and, in any event, ridiculous-looking. Things had indeed gotten awkward.

“No!” Bunny Edvard stood up. “Cabbage is not the most delicious vegetable ever. Carrots are!” There was a loud mumbling from the Parliament. Bunny Viktor answered, “How dare you say such a thing! Nothing compares to the tastiness of a fresh cabbage.” And then he punched Edvard in the face. A huge fight broke out in the parliament, with the bunnies kicking, scratching, and biting each other. Katya the Hamster just sat back in her chair and ate some sunflower seeds.

“This is a major political crisis!” cried Speaker Volodya. “What are we going to do???”

Bunny Natalia ran onto the floor and shouted, “Stop! Stop it, all of you! Cabbage is delicious and so are carrots. Can we not just agree that cabbage and carrots are both the best ever?”

The fighting abruptly stopped. Bunny Viktor helped Edvard up from off the ground and handed him his broken front teeth back. Bunny Oksana patted Bunny Dennis on the shoulder and placed his hat on top of his head. “But that’s not my hat…” said Dennis.

“Bunny Natalia’s idea is the best ever,” said Speaker Volodya, “In fact, her sound logic has saved the entire Bunny Nation! Who agrees that she should be our next president?” Everybody shouted, “Aye!” Well, everybody except Katya the Hamster. But that’s okay because she was in the corner of the room sleeping peacefully.

A group of bunnies lifted Bunny Natalia off the ground and tossed her into the air in celebration. “Three cheers for Bunny Natalia!”

“But wait,” Bunny Natalia protested, “I’m not sure that this is how democracy works!” But at this point it was too late. The bunnies had already sworn her in and had even renamed the capital “Natalochka” in her honor.

What if Lyuda Had Been Born a Flower?

What if Lyuda had been born a flower?   She's a busy girl who probably doesn't have time to think about such questions. But fortunately I do. If she were a flower, she would be a daffodil. Her needs would be pretty basic. She'd like some water from time to time. And sunshine would be good too. She would socialize with butterflies and honey bees. What makes her unique is that she would want the gardener to talk and sing to her. I once read that Prince Charles is an avid gardener who loves singing to his plants and flowers. Some of the flowers probably think this is weird at first. But once they find out their gardener is the future King of England, they are impressed. If Lyuda were a flower in Prince Charles' garden, she would act really cool and nonchalant about it on the outside, but on the inside she would feel really excited and wonder if it would be appropriate to ask for a personalized autographed photo of his mom that read, “Best regards to Lyudochka, my son's favorite flower. Sincerely yours, Queen Elizabeth II.” And then she would be invited to be the Queen's decoration at a tea party.

Olena Makes Friends With a Crab

One lovely afternoon Turtle Anya was going for a walk when she crossed paths with Olena the Cucumber Princess.  Olena was looking very confused and sad.

"What's wrong, Lena?" asked Turtle Anya.
"I just realized something.  I don't have any crab friends," replied Olena.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I don't have a single friend who is a crab.  And that makes me sad," explained Olena.
"Um...interesting," said Anya.  And then she walked away.
Olena decided she should do something about this problem.  So she took a marshrutka to Odesa so she could be introduced to a crab.  When she reached the beach, she found one.
"Hello, crab.  My name is Olena.  I am the princess of cucumbers.  I also like tomatoes sometimes."
The crab looked at her, but didn't respond.
"I think we will become the best friends ever!" declared Olena.
"Okay.  Whatever," said the crab.  It would be the only words he would speak during this entire story.

Olena joined the crab and they went to the bottom of the sea.  Olena became very excited about this adventure.  First, the crab was swimming and then he stopped to eat something.  Then he swam some more.  Then he stopped to eat some more things.  Also, he buried himself in the sand to avoid dangerous animals.  Olena waited for him to come out of the sand so the adventure could continue.  Two hours later, her crab friend came out.  I guess it was safe to continue swimming.  Olena began to realize that maybe she wasn't really missing anything special when she didn't have a crab friend.  The crab didn't appear to have any interesting hobbies besides eating and hiding.  He didn't listen to music, he didn't watch movies.  And most importantly, he really didn't have anything to say.  Finally, Olena shook the crab's hand and said, "It was very pleasant to meet you.  I must be going now."

The next day, Turtle Anya was going for a walk when she saw Olena again.  Olena was looking very happy and content.

"Why are you so happy, Lena?" asked Turtle Anya.
"I just realized something," answered Olena.  "Crabs don't make very interesting friends."
"Yes, Lena.  This is true.  I'm glad you know the truth.  Now let's go to a cafe and eat some cucumber sandwiches and drink tomato juice."
Olena agreed that this was a fabulous idea.

THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT HERE

Bunny Vika Studies Anatomy

Once upon a time, Bunny Vika was studying for an anatomy exam when suddenly she began to feel a little sad.
"What's wrong, Bunny Vika?  Why do you have such a gloomy expression on your face?" asked Bohdan the Beaver.
"Well, I have a very important exam at my medical university academy tomorrow.  It's for my anatomy class.  But it is very difficult.  It's not fun at all."  Vika wanted to cry.
Suddenly Bohdan had an excellent idea.  He grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper and began to draw.
After he finished, he gave a sheet of paper to Vika and asked, "Vika, what does this look like to you?"
Vika looked at the drawing for a moment, concentrated, and replied, "Um...a nose?"
"Exactly!  And what about this???"  Bohdan showed her another drawing.
"Those look like ears.  Oh, and you also drew a hand!"  Vika was feeling happier.
"That's right, Bunny Vika!  And what do you notice in that hand?"
Vika looked carefully at the drawing and said excitedly, "Ого!  It's a strawberry!!!"
"Indeed it is!  So what did you learn today?" asked Bohdan.
"I learned that studying anatomy is the best ever!"  Vika gave Bohdan a hug.  And then she passed her anatomy exam the next day.

TRUE STORY

A Short Story About a Cabbage Named Christina

Once upon a time in a garden in Western Ukraine, a little cabbage began to grow. Her name was Christina. She had a tomato friend named Vasylyna and a cucumber friend named Oleh. 
Oleh said, "I'm the best vegetable ever because I'm green." 
Christina said, "Whatever.  I'm green too."
Vasylyna said, "I'm the best vegetable ever because I grow on a vine."
Christina replied, "Whatever. Tomatoes are actually considered fruits, not vegetables."
It was clear that Christina was a very intelligent and observant cabbage.

IT REALLY WAS SHORT, BUT YOU WERE WARNED

Olena the Princess of Cucumber Garden Grows a Tomato For a Change

Once upon a time, Olena the Princess of Cucumber Garden looked at her garden and decided it was boring.  "Too many cucumbers.  Not enough other vegetables.  In fact, there are no other vegetables!"  This made her feel kind of sad, so she decided to grow a tomato.

"But Olena, if you grow a tomato in the cucumber garden, it will no longer be just a cucumber garden," pleaded Lilia the Cucumber.  Olena realized that Lilia was right!

"Now I don't know what I should do!  I'm so scared right now..." said Olena.  Before growing a tomato, Olena decided she should become acquainted with one.  And so she went on vkontakte and searched for a tomato friend.  Once she found one who looked normal, she added her as a friend.

"Hello, Oksana the Tomato!  Thank you for adding me as a friend.  Tell me something about yourself.  Do you think I should grow a tomato in my cucumber garden?" wrote Olena.

Oksana the Tomato wrote back:  I'm happy to have you as a friend.  What can I say about myself?  I am red.  I can be turned into ketchup and tomato sauce.  And even though I am treated as a vegetable, I am actually considered a fruit."

Olena found this information to be amazing.  It occured to her that cucumbers couldn't be turned into ketchup and cucumber sauce probably would be as tasty as tomato sauce.  And cucumbers aren't some magical fruit that is treated as a vegetable.  
Olena said, "You know, maybe I shouldn't be the Princess of Cucumber Garden.  I should become Princess of Tomato Garden."  
And so she started planting tomatoes and stopped planting cucumbers.  The next spring, she looked at her tomato garden.  It was red.  It was beautiful.  But...something was missing.  
"There are too many tomatoes and not enough cucumbers.  In fact, there are no cucumbers at all!"  
So Olena decided to grow both tomatoes and cucumbers, even though it required her to become Princess of Tomatoes AND Cucumbers.

Several years later, Olena thought about her decision to grow tomatoes and cucumbers at the same time.  She realized it was the best decision ever.  And she probably learned some very important lessons.  But she can't remember what they were.  

THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO SAY